i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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