he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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