yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
