So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
