You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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