then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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