I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
