Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
