come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I love you. Go after that dick
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
