He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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