I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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