thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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