i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
