Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she told me i tasted like america
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
