I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i've created a new STD.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
