one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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