i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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