i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
