There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
