I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
