Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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