nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I cut my penus on the lid.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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