Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
