so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
