my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
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Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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