Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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