Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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