Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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