That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
