I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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