If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
