i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
dude. I can hear the air.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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