3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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