Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
