the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
