smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
