I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
