is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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