It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
