is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
