Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
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just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic