The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries