Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.