He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.