i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.