I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
