I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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