I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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