what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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