He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
