i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
