The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
