He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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