Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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