If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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