The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
