Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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