I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
