Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
