when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
