And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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