So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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