It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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