I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
