smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
