Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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