He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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