All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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