Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
