put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Randomize
