It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
