I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i came on her dog
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
